The Adventures of Jenni and Johnny: Cat Ba - Boat Tour

As I mentioned before, Jenni, myself, Stan and Marilyn went on a "guided tour" of the islands.... Let's just back this up a little bit...

We knew there were lots of things to see on the different islands surrounding Cat Ba. We heard you could float around on a small yacht, and there was great kayaking and a mysterious place called Monkey Island (who wouldn't want to see an island full of monkeys?!! I mean, how cool would that be... right?)

"And it's mystery was only exceeded by it's power" Never mind... if you don't understand that one, good for you.

I digress. I found a place that does professional guided tours, fishing tours, and all kinds of stuff. The price seemed fair, so I told them I would check with my friends and come back later to buy tickets.

We found our friends enjoying fermented beverages at a restaurant close to the water. It was still the morning, but I guess it's always 5 o'clock when you are on vacation :) I told them about the boat tour that I had researched and the price. Stan had found his new best friend (his name escapes me at the moment) that was ordering rounds for all of them. He told us that he had a boat, and he would take us for less money. It only saved us about $10 total for the four of us to go with this guy instead of the place that I found.

For the record, the place that I found had pictures of their boats and tours and looked totally legit. I didn't have a good feeling about this new guy, but Stan was adamant that he was the right choice. The guy said he had a boat, Stan liked him, so we all agreed to proceed with the "Random-Guy Tour Company." :)

I know... my foreshadowing is subtle, isn't it?

We all got our gear and were ready to go. Marilyn couldn't wait to go kayaking through the beautiful islands. Stan was excited that Marilyn was excited. Jenni was excited to get pictures from the boat, and I was excited to see MONKEY ISLAND whose mystery was only exceeded by it's power

We piled in the taxi that took us to the docks. There were several beautiful boats there! We saw several people walking up through a gate to a nice little yacht, so I started to follow them. The the guy we bought tickets from tells us to follow him..... it's all downhill from there.

I remember when we saw our boat for the first time. I'm not even sure you could call it a boat. I guess it was better than a raft, but not by much :) When I saw it, I wasn't sure if I was going to even get on the thing. I was expecting a larger boat like the one we chartered to get to Cat Ba, and instead we got this......

There she is... the greenish one in the middle. Would you get on that thing?

I've seen Vietnamese fishing boats that look 10 times nicer than that death-trap!

Stan watching the Captain try to start the boat. He had to take apart some
of the floor boards and turn some rusted crank to get it going.

That is the look of, "Are we really going out on THIS boat?!"

After a while, we were able to laugh about our boat. Secretly, I was worried the whole time that it would break down and we would be stranded, but the little thing made it.

We went by some floating villages.

Our Captain :)

Marilyn painted us a picture of our "boat." It's hanging in our house :)

Our first stop on the tour was kayaking! Marilyn was totally excited.

We were floating so long that we thought, "Wow, this guy must know the best spot to go. If he thinks all these beautiful areas aren't good enough, then, I can't wait to see where we are going!"

We floated by so many beautiful spots that would have been great for kayaking..... however.... our tour did not include any of those locations.

Instead we found the area of the archipelago that naturally collected all the floating trash and debris. There was also a fishing village nearby that floated on huge styrofoam blocks.

The area was a total eyesore compared to everything else we had seen. Almost as quickly as we got in the water, we got back out. Stan was angriest, because he knew how much Marilyn was looking forward to this.

Kayaking was an epic fail, but Monkey Island was next... how could Monkey Island possibly go wrong?

We all bonded from our disgust with the kayaking.

What can you do but smile?

There it is!!! Monkey Island!!!

Our driver pulled us up to the beach, and dropped us off. He said he would be back in an hour.

Finally, I got to see Monkey Island! Maybe I would make a monkey friend, or see the cute, little, docile, creatures doing cute little monkey things :) or not...

The first thing I noticed on Monkey Island was that everyone, I mean everyone, on the island was standing on the beach with their backs to the ocean, facing the monkeys. Everyone looked tense. Nobody was laying down in the sun or relaxing. About 70% of the people there were holding large sticks. They were obviously afraid of the monkeys running around the treeline.

The four of us laughed at the people. I laughed more than the rest of us. I couldn't understand why everyone was so fearful of these tiny, cute, cuddly, creatures!

Adorable!

Cowards! I just didn't see what the big deal was...

Then, I started to understand. I had judged everyone on the island much too soon.

I witnessed one guy wearing a backpack and talking to his friends. Then, he turned his back to the monkeys to face his comrades. His back was turned for maybe 4 seconds before a demon-monkey jumped on his back and started screaming in a high pitch, "ooo! ooo! aahhh! aaahh! aaaahhh!" I didn't blink at all, and my mouth dropped to the sandy beach.

The guy started spinning around in circles, flailing his arms and yelling. It looked like a cowboy riding an angry bull at a rodeo. The monkey didn't let go, it just kept screaming. Finally, the guy threw down his backpack, and the monkey scampered away... I think it went to go laugh with it's evil little friends.

I looked at Jenni, who had the same look on her face, and said, "We need to find a big stick." Then, we joined the Terrified-Tourist-Club... meaning that we did not lie down on the beach, we kept our backs to the water and faced the deranged demons that inhabited Monkey Island. I made several "Planet of the Apes" jokes, but nobody thought they were funny... oh look, it's Dr. Zaius!

After a few uneventful minutes, Jenni and I got our courage back. (My courage didn't last long) We decided to go up to the bamboo restaurant and get some drinks. I confidently walked to the edge of the restaurant with our drinks, stood by a table and enjoyed the view. It truly was a breathtaking view.

Then, one of the misfit monkeys hopped up on the ledge by our table. Then, another one hopped up next to his furry friend. I pretended that they didn't bother me.

A moment later, Koba leaps on the table in front of me. I stand my ground. I wasn't going to let some dirty ape take over my territory. (Yes, I realize that monkeys are not apes, but bear with me here)

Here is Koba... the dirty ape!

So I decided to scare him away. I waved my hand at him and bellowed, "Get out of here!" Big mistake...

Koba retreated a few steps and looked at me with complete terror in his eyes... but then, he immediately leaped back at me with a guttural hiss.

I remember him looking something like this.....

This might not be EXACTLY how Koba looked, but you get the idea :)

I never realized it before, but monkey teeth look alot like human teeth. It looked like an animal with a child's set of teeth. It was totally creepy.

I was done being macho! I quickly walked away. Koba kept following me. Finally, I was saved by a little old lady that was carrying a big stick. She slammed it on the table, and Koba scampered off into the trees. I did not feel like a winner at that point in time. I was pushed around by a tiny, cute, cuddly, evil monkey, and then had to be saved by a geriatric woman holding a piece of lumber. I've had better days!

I pretty much had my fill of Monkey Island at that point. I looked out into the bay and saw our boat anchored way out in the water. Our guide was laying down sleeping on the boat. There was no way he would hear my cries for help, so I didn't bother.

Kill it! Kill it with fire!!!

Luckily, my lovely bride found a hiking trail further down the beach. At first I thought, "Oh let's go into the monkey-infested forest... that's a great idea. Then, ninja monkeys can attack me from the trees too!"

But when we walked down there, there were no monkeys at all. They seemed to like the other side of the beach better. They tried to steal peoples drinks and food. That's why Koba came after me, I had two drinks in my hands!

The hiking path was really cool. The climb up was so steep that they anchored ropes to help you climb without falling. When we got to the top, there was an amazing view of the island!